


My inspiration

by MissSlothy



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Slash, Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-04-29 16:25:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14476590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSlothy/pseuds/MissSlothy
Summary: 'Focusing on Danny’s face is difficult.But Steve is sure of one thing: Danny’s in trouble.  He can tell by the tone of his voice.  He can smell it on him: the fear, the sweat.'Starts pre-series with Freddie Hart  then goes into the actual series (with some deviation from canon to make things work out for Steve and Danny :)).  Chapter 3 now added - takes us into Season 5 and one of my favorite episodes 5.07.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started these as something 'quick' to do between writing a longer story. It's a lot of fun :) The full list of drabbles can be found here: https://kathrineroid.wordpress.com/2011/09/25/100-themes-challenge-writing-prompts/
> 
> Each chapter is twenty drabbles - each drabble is 100 words exactly.
> 
> There's 100 in total. I'm currently working on 61 to 80 :)
> 
> Story is from Steve's POV.

**1.  Introductions**

Eating three squares a day has been drummed into him since basic training.  Sure, the food isn’t that great – he’d kill for a shrimp poki bowl some days.  But it’s all about the calories during BUDS, about keeping the machine running.

So he keeps shovelling the food in.

“You this competitive about everything, McGarrett?”

Steve takes a breath between mouthfuls, long enough to take in the man sitting down opposite him.  Tall – taller than him – and well-built.  Steve blinks, tries to ignore the heat stirring in the pit of his belly as the stranger introduces himself.

“I’m Freddie.  Freddie Hart.”

**2.  Complicated**

DADT – Don’t ask, don’t tell.  His Dad had explained it once, during a rare phone conversation while he’d been at Annapolis.  Not that his Dad had needed to: they’d had it drummed into their heads during week two.

Steve still shivers though, four years later, when he remembers his Dad reading out on the rules down the phone.  The way his Dad’s voice had dropped as if he was worried someone would hear him say the rules prohibited people who ‘demonstrate a propensity or intent to engage in homosexual acts’ from joining the Navy.

He’d always suspected his Dad _knew._

**3.  Making history**

“That’s a new course record, McGarrett.”

Steve braces his hands on his knees and tells himself to _breathe._ The assault course had been a son-of-a-bitch to complete. 

“That’s half a second off the previous record.”

Steve blinks sweat out of his eyes to focus on the stopwatch the instructor’s  shoved under his nose.  Disappointment curls down his spine.  “Only half a second?”

The instructor eyes Steve critically.  “What did you expect McGarrett?”

“One second, Sir.”  Steve pushes himself upright,  pulls his shoulders back.  He’d calculated every shortcut. He’s spent hours figuring how to shave off that extra time.

He’s failed. 

**4.  Rivalry**

“You’re not sulking, are you?”

Steve wrestles the hotel room door open, ignoring Freddie’s taunt.  The room stinks of stale cigarette smoke and cheap perfume but they’re only here for one night.  

“Oh, come on.  Admit it.  I’m a better shot than you.”

“The wind speed increased—”

“You’re a sore loser, anyone ever told you that?”

“I’m not—”

Steve’s protest changes to a desperate moan as Freddie pops the buttons on his jeans, his hand slipping inside to cup his erection.

They’ve been arguing for three hours, ever since leaving Coronado.  They’re both so hard it fucking _hurts._

**5.  Unbreakable**

“Drinks for everyone!” 

Steve laughs.  Freddie sweeps his arm to include anyone within in a five meter range.  They’ve been in the bar for ten minutes. They’ve no idea who these people are.

“You guys celebrating?” a woman asks, sidling up to Steve.

Steve shrugs. “Good week at work.”

She smiles, all teeth, then jiggles her empty glass under his nose. 

They’ve returned from their first SEAL mission.  They feel like they could take over the world.  And if a pretty woman wants his company for a few hours that’s fine too.  He knows whose bed he’ll be in tonight.

**6.  Obsession**

“Missed me, Smooth Dog?”

Steve doesn’t answer.  He hasn’t missed _Freddie._ That’s what he tells himself as they get naked in another motel room in another town in the middle of nowhere.

He’s missed _this._

He’s missed the scrape of whiskers across his nipples, the way the pinpricks of pain stoke the fire in his belly.  He’s missed the large hands digging into his body, he’s missed the strength and muscle and the _challenge_ of pitting his body against someone else’s during sex.  He’s missed the sweat, the swearing and the laughter.

He’s missed just being able to be him.

**7. Eternity**

“I met someone while I was back home.”

Steve takes a drag on the cigarette Freddie’s offering him.  The smoke drifts up to the tar-stained ceiling of the motel room.

“Her name’s Kelly.  We were childhood sweethearts.”

He takes another drag and passes the cigarette back.  Freddie’s staring at him, their faces only inches apart on the pillow.

“You knew this was just for fun right, it wasn’t forever?  Just a way to let off some steam?”

Steve leans in for a kiss, notes how Freddie’s cock twitches in response.

They’ve got seven hours before they’re due back at base.

**8. Gateway**

“So Freddie’s gonna be a dad?  That’s great news.”

Steve drags his eyes away from his beer, from the condensation rolling down the neck of the bottle. The bar’s busy tonight.  Cath’s squashed up next to him in the booth.  She smells of lavender and musk.

He takes a gulp of his beer.  “He’s got a big family back home.  They’re excited.”

“And you?”

He pretends not to notice the way she’s studying his face.  He snatches a handful of peanuts from the complimentary bowl on the table and chews them.  One at a time.

“He’ll make a great dad.”

**9.  Death**

The C130 cockpit is surprisingly small for such a big aircraft.  There really isn’t space for another person. 

But Steve knows why they invited him into the cockpit, just as they approached the Hawaiian islands.  He knows why his commanding officer pulled strings to get this flight, why Cath cried when he told her his dad and Freddie were both gone.

He knows what grief is: he’d felt it when his mom passed. 

This time though, it’s different.

At his core all he feels is anger.  A burning, red hot anger.  He’s going to kill the bastards who did this.

**10. Opportunities**

The sight of the memorial for the USS Arizona has always had the power to move him.

It reminds him of why he chose to serve his country, to put himself through everything he has.  Why he chose to sacrifice that part of him that only his dad and Freddie knew about.

Now they’re gone.

It’s time to start again, to be the man the Navy needs him to be.

The phone in his pocket vibrates, reminding him about the missed messages from Cath.

Once he’s finished sorting the arrangements with the funeral director he needs to call her back.

**11. 33%**

At first glance, Danny Williams appears to be only two thirds the size of Freddie.  
  
But Steve can’t bring himself to use the word ‘short’, not even in his head.

Danny _fills_ any space he’s standing in.  Heads turn when he enters a room.  It’s impossible to ignore the way he exudes energy or the confident swagger of his hips. 

He’s feisty and argumentative, principled and loyal.   
  
In just a few days he figures out how to push all of Steve’s buttons.  
  
He’s sexy as fuck when he’s riled up.  
  
He’s a great dad.  
  
He’s Freddie in a smaller form.

**12.  Dead wrong**

Steve can’t remember the last time anyone doubted he was capable of doing his job.

He graduated top of his BUDS class.  He’s successfully led teams in war zones.  He was picked to work in Naval Intelligence because of his track record.

Now everyone’s looking at him sideways, just waiting for the moment he fails.

He has an overwhelming urge to punch Danny’s lights out.  Not just once, but multiple times.  The endless verbal poking by his new partner is pushing him to the edge.

But what’s most annoying – so _fucking_ annoying – is most of the time Danny is right.

**13.  Running away**

“Morning, Steve!”

Steve raises his hand in greeting as he runs past his neighbour.  The old man’s been there every morning, tending his plants.

Steve focuses on the sound of his trainers hitting the sidewalk, the way his heartbeat starts to rise.

Living in suburbia feels like a badly fitting coat, chaffing at his skin, crushing him with its weight and size.  In front of him are streets and streets of houses.  Thousands of people are just waking, following their daily routines, doing exactly the same they’d done the day before.

He’s not ready yet to be one of them.

**14.  Judgement**

“You wanna hand there?”

Steve ignores Danny as he struggles to get his own front door open.  Hesse’s bullet had only winged him.  Getting a key in a lock shouldn’t be so difficult.

Warm fingers wrap around his, gently guiding his hand.  A well-muscled shoulder leans against the door, helping to push it open. Hands steady him as he stumbles inside.

Steve knows what Danny is seeing: he’s exhausted, he’s running on empty.  He feels like he could sleep for a week.

Most of all though, he just feels empty.

What the hell is he supposed to do with that?

**15.  Seeking solace**

The next time Steve talks to Danny he’s gonna tell him to get blinds for his apartment. 

He can see straight into his shit-hole of a room.

Danny’s been staring at his TV screen for an hour now, a beer bottle hanging forgotten in his hand.  Steve’s not even sure he’s watching TV: he looks like he’s lost in thought. 

It’s dark out but he slides down further in his car seat anyway. There’s no way he wants Danny to see him out here.

_You sure about that?_ Freddie’s voice mocks him.  _You’re a fuckin’ liar McGarrett, you know that?_

**16.  Excuses**

“How you doing?”

Cath’s voice sounds distant on the other end of the line: she’s probably on a satellite phone.

Rocking back in his leather chair, Steve rests one booted-foot on the edge of his desk.  Through his office blinds he can see Chin, Kono and Danny standing around the electronic desk, looking at the screen.

Danny breaks away from the group, heading for his own office.  Tie-less, the top three buttons of his shirt are undone. Chest hair is making a break for freedom.

Closing his eyes against the sight Steve takes a shaky breath, then another.

“I’m fine.”

**17. Vengeance**

“He nearly died, Chin.”

“I know, Steve.  I was there.”

“ _Sarin._ I’m gonna kill the bastard who—”

“—and we’ll be right behind you but you’ve gotta calm it down, brah…”

Steve blocks out the rest of Chin’s words and tells himself to _focus_.

He focuses on the memory of Grace’s small hand in his, the way she trusted him to make everything right.  How her face had lit up when she’d seen her Danno was okay (kind of).

If his mind skips past the memory of Rachel and Danny together then it’s because that’s mission appropriate. 

That’s all.

**18.  Love**

He drags Mary from the truck of the car, tightening his grip as he stands.  He never wants to let her go.

Memories engulf him.  He’s sixteen again, cajoling Mary up to bed, one arm slung across her shoulders.  It’d been their mom’s job before she’d died.  Someone’s got to do it.

Mary tucks her head under his chin, like she had back then. For a second he imagines he can smell bubble bath in her hair.

Then the blare of sirens shatter his memories.  And he’s back in reality.  Back where the last member of his family nearly died.

**19.  Tears**

The box of family photos had been hidden at the bottom of his dad’s desk.  Sorting through all his old man’s papers, he’d nearly thrown the battered box away.

Opening it steals his breath away.  He’s standing in the middle of his dad’s office.  Knees suddenly folding, he slumps awkwardly to the floor.

His memories of his mom are that she’d been beautiful.  His memory hasn’t done her justice.  Even though the photos are old and fading the love in her eyes shines at him through the years.

They’d been loved, him and Mary.

He covers his face and cries.

  
**20,  My inspiration**

Grace waves at him from the dolphin pool.  Helpless to do anything else, Steve waves back. 

He is _so_ far out of his comfort zone.

Danny flops onto the lounger next to him, towelling off his wet chest hair.  “Stop thinking,” he says, his hand resting on Steve’s knee.

He’s been fucking handsy all morning.  And it’s driving Steve _insane._   “Danny…”

“Yes, babe?”

“Not that I’m not grateful but…why am I here?” 

Danny considers the question, his bottom lip caught between his teeth.  “Well…” he says eventually, “I thought it’d be more fun than sitting outside my place every night.”


	2. Chapter 2

**21\. Never Again**

There’s a disadvantage to his Navy training.

His brain is too analytical.

It calculates levels of risk, the chances of success.

It reminds him his dad and Freddie are dead now.  That his mom died in a horrific car crash.

Wo Fat’s out there somewhere.  He won’t think twice about killing another McGarrett or the people Steve loves.

His brain tells him that getting into a relationship with Danny means they’re effectively doubling the odds of that happening.  That Danny will get hurt – or worse, killed.

Deep down, he _knows_ that’s not logical but that’s just how his brain works.

**22\. Online**

Steve flips his laptop shut with a click.  Rubbing his eyes tiredly he leans back in his chair.

All the signs are that Wo Fat’s planning something. 

Danny and Chin have been working on their network of CIs, trawling for information.  But no one’s talking about Wo Fat or his operations.  And that worries the hell out of him.

As Danny keeps reminding him - wearing a frown that batters at Steve’s heart - Wo Fat isn’t a quitter.  He’s not going to let Steve win. 

At the moment Steve’s ahead on the scorecard.

They both know that won’t last.

**23\. Failure**

Steve grits his teeth and concentrates on putting one foot in front of the other.

Pain is radiating from the rope burns around his neck.  Every time one of Wo Fat’s men jerks the tether, pain shoots down his spine.  Bruises are blooming on his ribs.  He can feel blood congealing between his toes.

It’s not the pain that’s got his heart beating like a hummingbird’s wings: not the pain he’s feeling now or the pain he knows is coming his way. 

It’s the knowledge that he’s left Danny and Grace unprotected in Hawaii.

Stumbling, he falls to his knees.

**24\. Rebirth**

When he’d returned to Hawaii he’d never imagined doing this.

It’s Saturday afternoon and he’s sitting by the water in his backyard with Danny and Grace.  It still doesn’t seem real.

Grace is busy building sandcastles, happily singing to herself.  Danny’s sitting in the chair beside him, a cold beer in one hand.

Danny’s other hand is lightly entwined with his, tucked down beside the chair.  It’s an almost shy gesture, so unsure.  So unlike his mouthy, confident Danny. 

Steve understands: he’s scared too.  Commitment: it’s difficult.  Especially with their histories.  But with Danny maybe – _together_ – they’ve got a chance.

**25\. Breaking away**

Jenna’s terrified expression is the last thing Steve sees as the door swings shut.

It slams closed, the noise echoing off the walls of the dark, empty tomb. 

He’s wrenched forwards, his feet dragging.  Ripped flesh catches on the rough ground.

Sharp pain from a raw toe nail is enough to distract him as the first blows land.  He takes the pain, embraces it, as the air is beaten out of his lungs.

When the first rib cracks he reaches deeper into himself. 

Closing his eyes, he imagines Danny’s hand in his.  It’s warm, solid.  Gripping tight, he holds on.

**26\. Forever and a day**

Steve bites back a scream as the truck goes over a bump.

Panting, he swallows the sound.  Curling up on his side, he tries to protect his injured ribs.  When the truck stops he’s going to need all his strength.

He doubts he’s going to get more than one chance at this – but once will be enough.

Wo Fat’s going to be feeling confident.   He’ll probably get too close.  It’ll only take one gun, one bullet.  Or a knife.  He could work with that.

The bastard’s _never_ gonna touch Danny or Grace.

Even if it means he dies as well.

**27\. Lost and Found**

“Danny.  Where’s Wo Fat?”

Danny unties his ropes, relief written across his face.  “Just shut up would you.”

Everything greys at the edges as they help him out.  Locking his knees doesn’t help.  He’s grateful when Danny grabs him, their hands intertwining as he props him up.

“Danny.  Wo Fat.  Where is he?”

“What did I say—”

Pain’s blurring his vision.  Gritting his teeth, he squeezes Danny’s hand. “I need a gun.  He’s gonna come back and then you and—”

“It’s alright, son,” Joe hushes softly, like he’s talking to a spooked horse.  “I’ll get you a gun.”

**28. Light**

Everything is bright in Hawaii.  His headache spikes.  Scrunching his eyes closed he lets Danny lead him into his house.

“Okay, babe, let’s get you upstairs.  No, not the couch.  You need a bed.  It’s just a few more steps okay, Steve?  Just a few more steps…  There you go.  No, no.  You need pillows.  Doc said you gotta support your ribs.  Okay babe, I can tell by your face that hurts.  Forget the tee-shirt.  I’ll go get your meds.”

Silence falls.  He dozes.  

Fingers entwine with his.   Gently they stroke his battered knuckles, lulling him into a deeper sleep.

 **29\. Dark**

“Steve?  I need you to let go, okay?”

Danny’s voice is laced with pain.  It acts like an accelerant on the adrenaline already coursing through his body.  Heartbeat speeding up like a runaway train, sweat breaks out on his skin.

“You’re safe, babe.  You can let go.”

Steve opens his eyes, sucks in air like he’s come up from a dive.  Every limb is trembling from the nightmare.  _Hawaii_ , he chants silently. There is no Wo Fat. 

“ _Steve._ ”

Reluctantly he releases his fingers from the painful vice-like grip they have on Danny’s hand.  

He feels like he’s been cut adrift.

**30\. Faith**

“You’ve got a good team, Steve.”

Steve drags himself to the present, away from the soothing lap of waves against his beach. Joe’s in the chair beside him, a coffee mug in his hand.

“You shouldn’t have involved them, Joe.”

“They’d have done anything to get you out of North Korea.”

“They could’ve died.  He…they have families.”

“So do you.”  The lanai door opens.  Danny steps out.  Joe leans in closer, tracking Danny’s progress as he heads their way. “DADT’s over—”

“ _Joe,_ I’m not—”

“Trust him, is all I’m saying.  It’s time, son.  You gotta let someone in.”

**31. Colors**

A hissed intake of breath behind him makes Steve freeze.  Slowly he turns, his shirt halfway down his shoulders.

Danny’s in the bedroom doorway, clean laundry balanced in his arms.  His eyes are full of misery as they track across Steve’s naked torso.  Coming back up to meet Steve’s eyes, they’re full of compassion too.

Lips pursed, Steve turns away.  Bruises are just temporary.  So are burn marks.  They’ll be gone soon enough.

A hand tugs at his elbow insistently, refusing to be ignored.  Grudgingly he allows himself to be pulled round, to meet blue eyes. 

“Don’t do that, babe.”

**32\. Exploration**

Sex with Danny is nothing like Steve thought it would be.

His only real frame of reference is Freddie.  Freddie with his bulk and energy.  Competitive and constantly in motion, he was totally focused on everything he did.  The mission was to get each other off quickly – and then do it all over again.

Danny laughs.  He giggles. He’s ticklish. He loves to be touched.  Wrestling is like an aphrodisiac (he’s not dissimilar to Freddie in everything) but he cuddles like his life depends on it, tucking Steve in close and _hard_ , like he never wants to let him go.

**33\. Seeing red**

Anger is something Steve’s familiar with.  He carries it with him, deep in his soul.  It burns bright and fierce.

Anger at his mom being ripped away, at the bastards who shot Freddie and his dad, at the people who took away the most important things in his life.

That anger pales at what he feels as he looks at Rick Peterson.  He wants to scream at the sky, to wreak havoc.  He wants to fucking _destroy_ him.

He has the tools, the know-how. In remote parts of the world he’s honed his skills.

He grits his teeth and waits. 

**34\. Shades of Grey**

The nurse’s expression turns sympathetic as she finds the details they need on her computer.  “Your family are in room 612, Detective Williams.”

A shadow crosses Danny’s face but he doesn’t correct her.  Instead he nods, already turning away.

Steve follows silently, his mind racing.  Stan’s come through surgery successfully.  Rachel had taken Grace with her to the hospital several hours earlier.  It’d killed Danny to leave her. But he’d been ordered to report to headquarters, to relive everything that happened between him and Peterson. And Grace.

It’s killing him now to come back.

Steve’s never felt so useless before.

**35. Forgotten**

Danny and Doris are sitting opposite ends of his couch.  Occasionally they glance sideways at each other.  It’s like watching two prize-fighters weigh each other up.

In one corner there’s Doris.  Ex-teacher and CIA badass.  She’ll do anything to get the job done: including letting her family think she’s dead.  

In the other there’s Danny Williams.  Kick-ass detective and dedicated father.  He didn’t sit back when his daughter was taken away.  Instead, he’d followed her to Hawaii.

Steve takes the seat between them. If Doris’s eyebrows rise in surprise as he snakes his arm across Danny’s shoulders, so be it.

**36\. Dreamer**

Steve lies on his back on the sand and looks up at the sky.  The light pollution from Honolulu obscures a lot of the stars.  There’s still enough though to make out some of the constellations.

This was the place he’d used to run to after his mom passed away. 

He used to stare at the sky and imagine his mom would walk back through the door, like nothing had happened.  His dad would be smiling, laughing at one of her stupid jokes.  And Mary wouldn’t cry herself to sleep at night.

He never imagined it would hurt like this.

**37. Mist**

It’s cold, the clouds hanging low over the mountains.  He’s crossed over the South Korean border more times than he can remember, usually under cover of night. Waiting at the checkpoint feels so wrong.  He needs to _move_.

Cath nudges him with her elbow.  He sighs, orders himself to clear his mind.  Squaring his shoulders he quashes his simmering anger as the North Korean officials finally approach.  

 _“Don’t go in there all guns blazing, babe,”_ had been Danny’s final instruction at the security gates at Pearl-Hickham. _“Do as they ask and you’ll get Freddie back.  Remember that for me, huh?”_

**38\. Burning**

There’s a voice in the back of his mind telling him not to pull the pin on the grenade.  It sounds like Danny’s voice.

Cath’s expression is telling him it’s a bad idea.

The pin comes loose with a satisfying click sound. Red hot anger unfurls in his chest, creeping like a disease through his veins. 

They did things to Freddie.  Awful things.  He blinks to clear his blurred vision, to make sure he places the grenade just so. 

He’s going to kill every one of these bastards.  They’ll be obliterated, annihilated. He’s going to wipe them off the map. 

**39\. Out of time**

Steve calls Danny while they’re waiting for the flight back home.  He tucks the phone between his chin and shoulder and listens.  Slowly his body unwinds.

“Have you told him?” Cath asks as he finishes the call and packs the phone in his rucksack.

“Told him what?”

“ _Steve_.”

Lips pursed, he shakes his head.  “I don’t even know if he’s interested.”

“Stop lying to yourself.”

He looks away.  She’s always been good at reading him.  “What if he leaves?” he confesses shakily.  “He’s got Grace and Rachel--”

“But what if he stays?  Have you imagined what that’d be like?”

  **40\. Knowing how**

Talking to everyone at Freddie’s wake is as hard as he thought it would be.  

They’re grateful that he brought Freddie back.  He wants to tell them it’s his fault that Freddie didn’t make it: he left his friend to die.  Every time he tries, Danny’s at his shoulder, making small talk.  And then the moment’s gone.

Most of all, he can feel Freddie’s presence with them.  If he were alive, he knows what he’d say to him about Danny.

Shaking his head, his lips curling in a smile, Steve leans down and whispers in Danny’s ear, “I love you.”


	3. Chapter 3

**41\. Fork in the road**

Steve pulls up at the stop lights. 

The radio’s blaring out a classic 80s rock tune.  Beside him, in the other seat, Danny’s tapping out the tune on his knee with his fingers.  Every now and then he sings along with the lyrics.

Each night they stop at this junction.  Turning right takes them to his place.  Turning left takes them over to Danny’s.

The light turns green and he turns right without thinking twice about it.  Danny keeps tapping, relaxed, watching the world go by.

Why had he always been so worried it would be more complicated than this?

 

**42\. Start**

Steve stares at the ceiling, reminding himself where he is.  This isn’t a cheap motel in the middle of nowhere.  He hasn’t checked in under an assumed name.  He’s at home, in his own bed, with Danny.

Except Danny’s side of the bed is empty.

Jack-knifing upright he pulls on his shorts, shoves his feet in his slippahs.  They flip-flop loudly across the wooden floor.  His heart’s beating even louder.

Taking the stairs two at a time, he comes to a halt in the kitchen doorway. 

“Morning, babe,” Danny says, wearing a huge smile and nothing else.  “You want coffee?”

 

**43\. Nature’s fury**

He forces himself to let go of the steering wheel, to release his white-knuckled grip.

He’s got a clear view across the police HQ parking lot, at the building where Aunt Deb is currently locked up.

A small part of him understands why she’s refusing treatment.  Sometimes fate takes a hand.  Not everything in life can be controlled.

But there’s still a slim chance the treatment might work.  His life has been built on taking chances like that.

And Mary…  Mary’s gonna be devastated.

Aunt Deb’s the only real family they’ve got left: the only one left who actually _cares_.

 

**44\. At Peace**

“You want another beer?”

Danny reaches out a hand to stop him.  “Just sit, okay.  Sit.”

“I’m not a dog,” he mutters but sits down anyway.

The sea is almost flat, waves lapping gently against the beach.  The sun is just setting, giving the sky a warm, orange glow.

“I could put the steaks on—”

Danny leans over, places a finger on his lips.  “Let me have this moment, okay?”  Removing his hand, he sits back and closes his eyes.

Shaking his head, Steve hunkers down in his chair and waits. 

One day he’s gonna understand this relaxation thing.

 

**45\. Heart Song**

Breathing through his nose, Steve wills himself to take this slow.

Danny’s sprawled on the bed in front of him.  His eyes are closed, eyebrows drawn together in a thoughtful frown.  Bottom lip caught between his teeth, his hands are fisted in the sheets.

Steve sucks, watches as the frown deepens.  He runs his tongue round the tip of Danny’s cock, as slowly as he can.  Pulling back, he waits a second. Then he starts over again.

Getting off quickly during sex is a distant memory.  Now his focus is fore-play and anticipation. 

This is about making Danny’s heart sing.

 

**46\. Reflection**

Steve mutes the game he’s been watching while Danny’s been out.  Sliding along the couch, he makes space for Danny to slump beside him.   

“How’s your mom?”

Danny shrugs, his eyes fixed on the TV.

Watching Danny with his mom has made him realise how screwed up his relationship with Doris is.  Clara and Danny’s love for each other isn’t based on lies or half-truths.  It’s unconditional. 

The divorce is hurting both of them.

Danny lets out a shaky sigh.  His eyes are bright with unshed tears.

Steve pulls him into his chest, holding tight as Danny finally falls apart. 

 

**47\. Perfection**

Her blond hair is silk-like.  It curls round his fingers when he plays with it.

She giggles at all of his awful jokes.  He’s been perfecting his stupid faces because every time he pulls one she smiles. 

His heart swells with happiness whenever he sees her.  He just wants to hold her close and make everything right in her world.

Every opportunity he gets he tells her how much she is loved by him.  At night, as she falls asleep, he tells her he’ll move heaven and earth to keep her safe.

She’s absolutely perfect.

Her name is Joan McGarrett.

 

**48\. Everyday Magic**

Steve swaps Joan to his other hip.  Using his free hand he opens the book.  It’s difficult to concentrate over her screaming but he finds the page he’s looking for.

“It says if the baby continues crying you should check they’re not suffering from—”

“You’ve gotta stop reading those, babe,” Danny chides him gently.  “Let me take her.”

Steve relinquishes her gratefully.  He’s _so_ out of his depth.  Danny tucks her under his chin, humming quietly as he walks.  Gradually the screaming morphs to breathy hiccups.  Then suddenly there’s silence.

Blessed silence.

“How the _hell_ did you do that?”

 

**49\. Umbrella**

“How often does it rain in Hawaii?”

Steve concentrates on the road and the highway traffic.  Out of the corner of his eye he can see Danny’s hands moving.

A _lot_ , _”_ Danny continues.  “This car – _my_ car – is a mobile armory. There was a rocket launcher in the trunk last week.  So why the hell—”

“Danny—”

“—don’t you have any wet weather gear?”

Steve sniggers, unable to hold it in.  A glance in Danny’s direction turns the giggle into a full belly laugh.

Danny’s dripping wet hair has flopped over his forehead.

He looks really, really cute.

 

**50\. Party**

Back in the day his dad’s BBQs had been famous. Detectives loved to drink and talk.

Falling asleep in his room, listening to the murmur of their voices, is one of Steve’s most vivid family memories.

The back yard is packed with _his_ friends now. 

He misses his mom and dad.

“You okay, babe?”

Danny’s lips are pursed together with worry.  Steve doesn’t hesitate: he claims them with a crushing kiss.  Danny rolls up on his toes to meet him, crowding him, challenging him like he always does.

It’s glorious. It’s perfect.

Lou yells at them to get a room.

 

**51\. Troubling Thoughts**

The drugs burn in his veins.  It’s a sharp pain – too sharp.  It strips away his defences, leaving him raw.  He’s exposed, pinned to the chair like a scientific specimen. 

He has no choice. 

He dreams.

He dreams his dad is alive and happy to see him. They drink beer and talk about football. No one mentions DADT.

He dreams of Danny, who loves Hawaii and being married and going home to his baby girl every night.   

He dreams he’s leaving Hawaii, leaving behind everything that he loves so much.

It’s a familiar pain: it’s comforting.

He holds it close.

 

**52\. Stirring of the Wind**

Focusing on Danny’s face is difficult.

But Steve is sure of one thing: Danny’s in trouble.  He can tell by the tone of his voice.  He can smell it on him: the fear, the sweat.

He holds on tight to him.

Emerging into the Hawaiian sunshine makes him shiver.  His skin is damp.  There’s moisture on his face.  Raising his hand to wipe it away unbalances him.  The world spins.

Danny grunts, mutters under his breath.  Chin’s voice adds to the chaotic sounds in his head. 

Something’s bugging him though. There’s a question he has to ask.

“Where’s my dad?”

 

**53\. Future**

The drugs still simmer in his veins.  Darkness and light swirl, a kaleidoscope of sepia images that make no sense to his battered mind.

Reality flickers in and out, like an old electric bulb that’s about to blow.

At the back of his mind he knows something bad happened. It’s like a monster hunched in the darkest corner of his psyche, waiting to attack.

“Ssh. Ssh,” a gentle voice whispers, cutting through the tendrils of confusion that are suffocating his mind.  “You’re safe, babe.  You’re safe.  I won’t let anything happen to you.  Just sleep for me, okay.  Just sleep.”

 

**54\. Health and Healing**

“Welcome back, Commander. It’s good to see you.”

Steve acknowledges Duke with a nod of his head. Walking through the HPD building, he fixes a smile on his face.  It seems like everyone knows about his latest run in with Wo Fat.

It’s easy to play along. To breeze into the office like everything’s normal, to dismiss Lou’s quiet concern and Kono’s more vocal one.

The memory of that morning still stubbornly lingers though.  The way Danny had helped him apply the ointment to the burns on his chest, with such care and gentleness.

That’s something he can’t deal with.

 

**55\. Separation**

Steve hesitates getting out of his truck.  Danny’s hand is resting on his arm.  “It’s just the grocery store.”

“I know,” Danny agrees, his light tone not fooling either of them.  “But if I let you in there on your own you’ll come back with rabbit food.  I need real food, babe.  Pizza and pasta.”

They pad across the parking lot together.  Just inches apart, it’s like they’re attached with an invisible rope. 

As Steve pushes the cart Danny’s hand rests protectively in the curve of his back.

Steve wishes Wo Fat were alive so he could shoot him again.

 

**56\. Everything For You**

Steve rolls on his back, covering his eyes with his arm.  Any passion he was feeling is a distant memory.  “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay.”  Danny’s voice is soft, so understanding.  It almost tips Steve over the edge.  “The doc said the drugs might mess with your sexual performance for a while—”

“But you wanted to—”

He’s cut off as Danny tugs at his arm, lets himself be prodded until he’s draped over Danny’s chest.  Closing his eyes he listens to Danny’s breathing, lets it lull him to sleep.

Sex with Danny is amazing. 

But so is this.

 

**57\. Slow Down**

He paces around his office like a caged animal.  “I want to find out everything about him, Danny.”

“Aunt Deb is a grown woman.”  Danny’s sitting on his office couch, watching him prowl. “If she wants to marry this guy—”

“I want his financials, his police record.  I want to know who he’s working for—”

“Who he’s _working_ for?”

“Danny—”

“Stop, for a minute,” Danny waves at him. “Just _stop_.”

“I can’t.  Aunt Deb’s—”

Danny grabs him, pulls him in.  “She’s safe, babe.  You killed him, okay?  Wo Fat’s _dead_.  That bastard can’t hurt you now.”

 

**58\. Heartfelt Apology**

Reading the inscription on his dad’s gravestone, it just doesn’t seem real. 

If he closes his eyes he can still feel his dad’s arms around him. 

Wo Fat’s drugs caused him to hallucinate, to imagine things he’d rather forget but this memory…this is one memory he _wants_ to replay on a continuous loop.

Protecting your children: you’d do _anything_.  He gets that now.

“I’ve got something to tell you, dad,” he says, his voice breaking around the sob that’s threatening to escape.  “I’ve met someone.  Someone special.  He’s called Danny and he’s cop.  Yeah.  I thought that’d make you laugh…”

 

**59\. Challenged**

“ _Steve_.”

Grover’s panicked voice cuts through the anger goading his mind.  Blinking, the custody cell comes into focus.  Behind Grover, Steve can see the suspect staring back at him.  He looks terrified.

Licking his lips, he sucks in a deep breath.  Reluctantly he meets Grover’s eyes.

“You okay?”

Steve looks away, resisting the urge to giggle madly at the stupidity of the question.  Grover’s iron grip on his shoulders tightens, like he thinks Steve’s gonna bolt at any second.

It had never occurred to him that an enclosed space and low lighting would make his brain go back _there_.

Damn.

 

**60\. Exhaustion**

Dressing shouldn’t be so difficult. 

The fiddly cuff button slips out of his fingers.  Scowling it into submission, he attacks it again.

“Steve.”

“It’s Aunt Deb’s wedding, Danny.  We’re going.”

“Steve—“

“We’re _going_.” Cursing under this breath he turns his anger on the only other person in the bedroom.

He looks up.

The anger dies.

Danny stares back at him.  The dark smudges under his eyes contrast sharply with his white dress shirt.  “I’m gonna call Grover, babe.”  Steve’s heart aches at the bone deep weariness in Danny’s voice.  “I’ll ask him to swing by and pick us up.”

 

TBC


End file.
